


Baby, baby

by soul_wanderer



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abortion, Pregnancy, tw rape (canon)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 03:24:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7083199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_wanderer/pseuds/soul_wanderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia brings up the topic of having kids, not knowing what kind of reaction it triggers in Amanda</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby, baby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bluemermaiid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemermaiid/gifts).



> This story is based on the sentence prompt "I don't want to have a baby" - thank you Joy for sending me into an early midlife crisis, also, I think if I gift any more stories to you it's going to look like we are married, which wouldn't be such an awful thing in my opinion ;)
> 
> Anyway, it has challenged me and pushed my limits and I hope you like it!
> 
> Feedback is always welcome :)

_“I don’t want to have a baby.”_ Amanda whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.

She and Olivia had talked about having children, occasionally, but it was rarely a serious discussion. Well, until now.

Olivia had talked to her therapist about it, how she felt like something was missing in her life. She was happy with Amanda, more than that actually, but there was an emptiness that she felt needed to be filled and she couldn’t quite tell what it was

It was her therapist who had asked her if she wanted to have children, to which Olivia had grown quiet, contemplative, thinking about the possibility of starting a family with Amanda.

She had then come to the conclusion that yes, she wanted children and decided to bring up the subject after dinner that night, hoping Amanda was open to the idea.

They were sitting on the couch, both with a glass of wine sitting on the coffee table in front of them, when Olivia had carefully approached the subject, trying to ease Amanda into the discussion.

It had went well, at first, but then _something_ had clearly gone wrong because now she found Amanda sitting next to her with tears in her eyes and her voice cracking at each word.

“Amanda” Olivia quietly spoke up, unsure what to say or do to not upset her any further.

“I’m sorry if I made any assumptions, I shouldn’t have-“, she broke off when silent tears started running down Amanda’s cheeks, her own heart clenching at the sight.

For a moment she felt so utterly helpless and lost, not knowing how to comfort Amanda who was clearly struggling to find the right words.

“I was pregnant” The words came out in barely above a whisper and she bit her lower lip as her whole body started trembling. Olivia certainly hadn’t expected _that_ and she found herself unable to reply, so Amanda continued talking.

“It was…after Patton. I got pregnant. I- “, Amanda had difficulties to breathe by now and didn’t dare to look Olivia in the eye.

“I didn’t see a doctor until weeks later. I knew something was wrong, but I…I guess I tried to deny what had happened. I- I couldn’t keep it. I just couldn’t.” She started sobbing at that, her whole body shaking and Olivia was quick in ushering her into her arms and holding her close.

“Oh honey, I had no idea. I’m _so_ sorry.” Olivia soothed her, quietly, gently, and let her cry, wondering how long she had carried this secret with her without anyone knowing.

As she let Amanda work through her feelings her own anger at what Patton had done to her was growing all over again and she wished they could put him away for life for hurting Amanda like this.

She was reassuringly caressing her arm when Amanda finally seemed to calm down and shyly looked up at Olivia, her voice hoarse as she spoke up again.

“I just don’t want to be pregnant again, I’m sorry Liv.” She quietly brought out and it was then that it clicked for Olivia.

“No Amanda, I am sorry. I would never expect you to do this, I would never want to hurt you like this.” Olivia reassured her, afraid she had misunderstood her.

She knew she had often told Amanda that she felt too old to have children on her own but she also knew it wasn’t impossible and that she would do it if it meant that she could lift a burden off Amanda’s shoulders.

“Listen, you don’t have to carry the baby. I am here too and if you want this we can always adopt too.” Olivia proposed and Amanda seemed to relax into her arms at that.

“Are you- are you sure?” Amanda hesitantly asked, searching Olivia’s eyes for an answer.

“I am, Amanda. But I would never want anything that makes you unhappy. If you tell me that you don’t want children at all that’s okay. But if it’s because of what happened…there are other ways and I want you to know that I’m more than okay with them.” Olivia shot her a gentle smile and squeezed her hand, trying to let her know that she wasn’t alone.

“Thank you”, Amanda finally whispered, hoarsely, tears pooling in her eyes again as she looked at Olivia, grateful to have her support and even more grateful that she understood.

“I love you, never forget that” Olivia reminded her and Amanda slightly nodded in reply, biting her lower lip.

“I’m scared Liv, but…I want this. I want a family. With you.” Amanda tentatively admitted, shooting Olivia an insecure smile at the confession.

In lieu of a reply Olivia smiled right back at her, a smile that came straight from her heart, before leaning in to kiss her, softly and deeply, knowing that together they were going to be more than okay.


End file.
